Jello with a spork
by fishy379
Summary: After not sleeping for over a week Alfred lands himself in a mental institution. Though mental hospitals are scary, there are always some interesting people running around the ward.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: After not sleeping for over a week Alfred lands himself in a mental institution. Though mental hospitals are scary, there are always some interesting people running around the ward.

The normally dull walls of his apartment hallway seemed to have a new glow about them Alfred mused to himself as he danced around practicing his drop kicks into the air. Nothing could stop him from knocking the absolute shit out of his invisible opponent. His heart pounded with excitement as he suddenly decided to go for a run outside. So fucking what if it's 4am and snowing, heros never get cold or tired! In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he felt tired. So with that last thought he ran to get his phone and bolted out the door excitedly yelling as he ran down the hall breaking the silence of a peaceful night.

Life has so much and there are just so many things that must be done even if he doesn't know them quite yet. Therefore Alfred decided to take up every opportunity life has to offer right now! Now is the best time to do something, ANYTHING!

Sprinting down the quad, breaking the otherwise peaceful silence with his yelling he felt the icy air on his face, in his lungs, on his hands, everywhere. It further woke him up with it's refreshing caress. Suddenly he exclaimed out loud, "Let's go to the mall!" to no one at all and immediately started in the direction of the light rail. But then he thought maybe he should go for a hike, or maybe a party? So he ended up running right past the light rail and he just kept running and running until he couldn't anymore. But now it dawned on Alfred that he was hopelessly lost, he didn't have his ID, or keys so the only hope was asking someone for directions. But wait… who cares about being lost? That's how all the great adventures start plus the sun was rising again so it was a new day to take full advantage of life!

Alfred decided to set out on the town and maybe try to learn how to do…. Something new, he thought to himself as he collapsed on the ground.

Eyelids heavy Alfred slowly blinked in the blinding white light. What happened? Where am I? he questioned wearily. Coming to and looking around Alfred immediately recognizes the sterile white walls of a hospital. Quickly jumping up out of the cot he ran out of the curtain screaming "Why the fuck did you kidnap me?!" at the staff. The emergency room staff stopped and stared for about 2 seconds before carrying on with their business. Freaking out, Alfred knew he had to get out of there because he was perfectly healthy and he knew nothing was wrong so he should be able to walk right out, proving his perfect health… But a nurse ran after him as he searched for the exit yelling "Sir wait, you can't just leave! The doctor has to assess you. He'll be here in a few minutes- SIR!" she exclaimed running after him.

Alfred paused, thinking to himself that maybe he should just wait a few minutes- but NO there was so much life to be lived! There's no freaking way he could just sit there. But lost in his thoughts, the nurse caught up to him and grabbed his wrist. "Sir let's get you back to your room. Are you feeling alright? Does anything hurt?" she questioned caringly. "HAHAha I'm totally good all around!" Alfred replied nonchalantly. "Mind telling me why I'm in here? There's so much life to live out here that I can't really sit here all day!" Alfred exclaimed energetically. "Sir, we can discuss that when you see the doctor, let's just get you back to your room. Ok?" the nurse gently replied. "Okay whatever but it better not take long because I want to dance!" Alfred exclaimed as he followed the nurse back to his cot.

About fifteen minutes later when Alfred was restlessly waiting while constantly complaining to the nurses the doctor showed up. An older man in blue scrubs with a neat white coat appeared with a woman with a clipboard following behind. "Sir, would you mind not pacing so we can ask you a few questions?" the doctor flatly questioned. "But I am so energetic! There's absolutely no need at all to sit down. I'm totally healthy so can I go now?" Alfred nearly yelled, haven gotten annoyed by waiting so long for the doctor. "Sir what is your name?" the doctor began. "I'm Alfred Jones, mind telling me why am I here?" Alfred replied nonchalantly. The doctor paused to look through his clipboard, then looking up "It appears you collapsed from exhaustion and someone called an ambulance for you. How long has it been since you've slept? Are there any stressors in your life preventing you from sleeping?" the doctor asked glancing up. Alfred paused to think for a minute then replied saying, "uhh I think I slept last week or something, but it doesn't really matter because I'm not tired at all!" he replied, a bit concerned about the consequences of his answer. The doctor's eyes widened slightly before returning to their normal stance as he quickly took notes on his clipboard before returning to his list of questions. "So you haven't slept in over a week, that's not good". Alfred quickly realized the consequences of his answer and nervously went on "Uh it's fine though because remember I'm not tired in the slightest so I'm like totally good!".

The doctor ignored him, going about his questions. "Do you ever feel sad, hopeless, or as if you don't want to live?" the doctor asked seriously. "Hahaha why would you think that? I feel great, why would you ever ask me something like that?!" Alfred hid behind a nervous laugh. What is going on!? Why would they ask me that? Of all the questions Alfred did not see that coming. The doctor nodded slightly, ignoring Alfred's inquiry and the other lady scribbled down something on her clipboard. "Sir do you ever see or hear things that aren't really there?" the doctor asked flatly as he glanced up at Alfred. A little shaken by yet another weird question, he nervously laughed again "haha ha uh no way dude, do you guys think I'm crazy or something?! I'm like totally normal so if I could just like leave that'd be great" Alfred replied.

The doctor began walking out, stating "Mr. Jones you appear to be in the midst of a manic episode and in a few hours you will be transferred to the psychiatric hospital involuntarily because we feel that you can't make good decisions for yourself at this time. Do you have any questions?". WHAT!? Alfred had a million questions and fear was coursing through his veins as he jolted up out of bed, pushing past the doctor and without a word he ran like his life depended on it. Pushing past anyone and anything in his way as he bolted down the hall, desperate to find the door as he heard someone behind him. Naturally Alfred turned around to see who it was only to be met with a gang of security guards and a nurse carrying something. But in his moment of confusion the security guards caught up with him, each one grabbing one arm roughly. "Hey what the fuck let me go I havn't done anything wrong! You can't lock me up if I didn't do anything" he yelled, thrashing in the security guard's arms. A female nurse walked up, mildly panting from the chase- that's when Alfred was able to make out a needle in her hand. "Sir this is some long acting antipsychotic medication, it will make you much calmer. Now if you would hold still." she stated seriously as the security guards tightened their grip she moved closer. "What you can't give me that I'm totally sane, now just let me go!" Alfred yelled, causing a big scene in the emergency department.

The nurse simply ignored him and injected the medication into his arm in a quick motion. Suddenly Alfred was feeling very strange, very heavy, very foggy, and very tired. Slowly his eyelids began to droop and his trashing turned into faint movements until he collapsed.

**A/N: Hey haven't written in a long time and this is pretty bad so forgive me but I thought it could be a fun basis for a story. Sorry if anything is wrong as far as the presentation of mania. I've never experienced it so I wouldn't know but please correct any inaccuracies. The inspiration for this story is the wild adventures I've had in the psych ward and some of the interesting people I met.**

**Also heh Alfred got the booty juice :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

Slowly blinking Alfred came to, taking in his surroundings. A blank beige room with a camera in the corner on the ceiling and a small square window on the heavy door. Other than that the only thing in the room was the bed a few inches from the floor with a towel for a blanket and one flat plasticy pillow. _Oh shit I've been transferred already now I'm never going to get out!_ Alfred cursed to himself. He rolled out of bed, eyes still heavy and walked over to the window embeded in the door, looking out. Outside wasn't too interesting either. Just a beige hallway with white-ish blue tinted floors and the typical hospital ceiling lights. Alfred went to push the heavy door open only to realize it's locked. _Well shit it's so boring in here and I need to talk to them so they no I'm not crazy and then I can finally get myself out of this mess and go back to my dorm and go back to class, and maybe I'll go for a run or go for a hike or something _Alfred thought to himself. He needed to get out of this damn prison and right now! Banging on the heavy door with all his might as if he could force it open he began yelling "Help! Let me out of here I didn't do anything wrong! I need to talk to a doctor!". Suddenly the lights were turned off and a voice emitting from a speaker that Alfred couldn't find simply stated "Once you calm down you can leave the quiet room but until then you are a threat to the order of this unit". Taken aback, Alfred stopped pounding on the door and took a deep breath, "I'm like totally calm can you let me out now" he said as calmly as he could, trying to convince whoever locked him in this awful room to let him out.

After a few minutes of Alfred standing there fidgeting anxiously and tapping his foot a staff what appeared to be a staff member appeared at the door. A man dressed in green scrubs with a badge unlocked the door carefully examining Alfred. "Alfred do you know where you are?" he calmly asked. "Uh no, but they said they were sending me to the psych ward. Actually I need to talk to a doctor right away because I'm like not crazy at all." Alfred almost yelled. The nurse was unphased by his reaction and simply stating "You were transferred to the neuropsychiatric institute last night and we still need to complete your intake examination". Alfred was slightly annoyed that the nurse completely ignored his request to meet with a doctor but followed the nurse out of the quiet room anyways figuring that good behavior would prove his sanity.

Walking down the hall Alfred noticed his lack of shoes, feeling the cold tile on the soles of his feet. The hallway was cold even through his jeans and green t shirt and he had to fight to urge to sprint down the hall to get the hell out of there. They stopped at a cart where the nurse bent over and grabbed a set of blue scrubs "Here, you need to put these on. Change in this room" the nurse said flatly. Before giving Alfred a chance to respond he shoved him into the room. _Ew these are hideous _Alfred noted as he unfolded the shirt. It's a plain blue short sleeve shirt with snaps along the front and the pants are the same shade as the shirt with an elastic waistband. Alfred quickly put them on, then noticed the beige grip socks and put them on over his original socks since the floor was cold. Walking out with his bundle of clothes he noticed that he still felt weird from whatever drug that was.

The nurse quickly snached away his clothes, handing him a paper folder. Opening it Alfred noticed it was nothing but a list of unit rules:

No physical contact with other patients

Be respectful to staff, patients, and visitors

Groups are mandatory

Follow your treatment plan

Shower daily

A few lines down was the hours of the day room: 6am to 12am. _Ok that doesn't seem too bad, just like don't cause a fight and make sure I don't stink. Easy enough. _The nurse then went on to read all the rules aloud, putting emphasis on the importance of respect to staff and fellow patients. With that he led Alfred to the day room.

It's nothing but a room with a small TV, a few tables, plastic couches, and a mini fridge in the corner. Shrugging, Alfred walked in noticing two others sitting on the couch and sat down a little ways away since you never know what kind of crazy people are in the freaking mental hospital. One of them was blond, with green eyes and funny looking eyebrows, sitting there looking pissed to hell and back while the other was albino with an obvious chip on his shoulder. "Hah this show fucking sucks! Figures some dumb shit like you would vant to watch something shitty like 'The Great British Baking Show'. Fuck zat if the awesome me could pick we would never be bored in this hell hole. In fact if I was ze main actor in a non shitty movie it would be vay-" the albino went on only to be interrupted by the blond "Gilbert would you sod off already? If you would get your lazy ass out of bed before 11am maybe you could pick the channel but unit rules says first come first serve. Also you are such a loser. Who has to stride around like a narcissistic asshole talking about themself all day?" the blond said with a nasty smirk, not even taking his eyes off the TV. "Why you little shit! As if ze awesome me cares about what some dumbkomph who hallucinates fairies has to say about me. You're just jealous!" the albino stated triumphantly. "Why you little shit!" the blond yelled, getting up and clenching his fist, ready to make a punch.

Suddenly a staff member jumped in the room "Kirkland! Beilschmidt! Knock it off or you'll both be sent to your rooms!" the nurse bellowed. Suddenly both of them just glared at each other and sat back down. _Ok enough watching, these idiots have got to meet me! _Alfred thought to himself standing up and clearing his throat. "I'm Alfred! Nice to meet ya. What do you say we do literally anything that isn't sitting in this room watching TV? There's so much life to be lived so let's do something!" Alfred was initially met with two blank stares, then the blonde piped up saying "Alright wanker, what do you suggest we do then? Any brilliant ideas of things to do in this dull shit hole?" he replied curtly. Suddenly Alfred drew a blank… what is there to do in this place? _Fuck I'm trapped in here when there's so much going on outside I need to leave _he cursed to himself. "Uh we could go raid that mini fridge" Alfred exclaimed with a lazy grin. "And what? Get trashed of of juice boxes and cartons of skim milk?" the blonde asked with a smirk. Drawing a blank again Alfred decided to ask the age old question "So what are you guys names? I told you mine.". "Arthur" the blonde said flatly followed by "Why I'm ze awesome Gilbert. You must have been living under a rock to not have heard of me!" the albino exclaimed.

"Lunch time!" a nurse interrupted their conversation, wheeling in a large metal box. "Oh great because I'm starved!" Alfred exclaimed excitedly getting on line to get his tray. "Jones" the nurse called out handing him a gray tray with a spoon, a milk carton, a paper plate with something that looked to be a bad version of lasagna, and a jello cup on it. _Ew. _he thought to himself as he found a seat across from that Arthur guy. Amazingly Arthur seemed to not mind the food one bit, just digging in with the plastic spoon as if it were actually something good. That's when another patient sat down next to him. A slightly short guy with tan skin and brown hair with one sticking up randomly. "What the fuck is this shit?! What an insult to food and pasta!" he yelled in an Italian accent before throwing the plate of food against the wall in a fit of rage leaving part of it stuck to the wall. "VARGAS!" the nurse yelled, running in to restrain him when this Vargas guy chucked the open jello cup at the nurse splattering his clean green scrubs with orange sticky goop. "You a expect me to eat this shit?! You can have it bastardo!" he yelled. Alfred couldn't help but choke back a laugh. _What is this place?_ He wondered to himself snickering while watching the action unfold. Then Alfred watched this brown haired dude make a break for it down the hall before, so he poked his head out of the day room to watch. Quickly the nursing staff caught up to him and jabbed him with a needle- much like the one Alfred had been jabbed with the previous night. "No you a can't do this to me I'm not going back to the fucking quiet room!" the guy yelled before he quickly fell and was apparently dragged off to this 'quiet room'.

"Just what do you think you're looking at?"

**A/N: Back at it again, hopefully I can always update this often! I can never express my hatred of jello in words. It's a poor way to try and trick your brain to think that you're eating something when its actually nothing but a solid water mush of sadness**

**rant over**


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